On Perfectionism and Self-love

Dear Invisible Kids,

Many areas of life, whether academic, career, sports, or music, require us to constantly improve and strive for perfection. Perfecting our attitude, skills, and knowledge (A.S.K) in order to reach the next level. Instead of coming from a place of inadequacy, I hope you do it for the purpose of joy and curiosity, celebrate tiny improvements, and be grateful for the level you are at. Kaizen's (Japanese for “Continuous improvement”) attitude and self-love got to blend together in order to have healthy growth.

Many people’s motivation for improving themselves comes from insecurity, self-blame, or social pressure. Maybe it subconsciously came from harsh parents who criticized you for not being good enough, maybe it was from a severe breakup, or maybe it was caused by peers who teased and bullied you. “I’m not good enough. If I don’t improve myself, my boss, my spouse, my parents, or my friends would dislike, criticize and abandon me.” With such a mentality, no matter how much we improve, we would always find more flaws to self-criticize ourselves, and our self-confidence would crumble from time to time. The feeling of inadequacy holds us back from achieving the things we want, because we think we don’t deserve them- the promotion, the perfect partner, the great business, etc, and thus push them away. Worse still, in order to fit in and please others, some people may lose themselves and develop in a direction to fulfill others’ expectations, instead of their own ambition. So a better solution would be to define your development direction based on your interests, curiosity, and strength, but not insecurities, others’ expectations, or self-hatred.

Once you have a clear direction with the right motivation, you put in hard work consistently. While work ethics and continuous improvements are extremely important, remember to give yourself a pat on your shoulder from time to time, celebrate the tiny improvements along the way, and appreciate what you have accomplished so far. Being grateful and kind to yourself gives you the fuel to reach the next level. It’s hard to maintain motivation if you keep beating yourself up or keep chasing over the next shiny thing.

Strive for perfectionism in life, and be kind to yourself at the same time.

Love,

Dad

2022.05.08

“Dear Invisible Kids” is just an idea of recording my life lessons for my future kids. If they exist in the future, great, they’ll get to know their dad. If they don’t, I guess they remain invisible forever😂. Hopefully, those messages would benefit someone in this world.

P.S. If you want weekly emails on how to become your best self, subscribe here. A free relationship ebook “Mindful Love”+ Tim Ferriss’s workout cheatsheet will be delivered to your inbox immediately.